Watch it

So I was just reliving something not-so-good that I went though last weekend. What happened was that I had to recreate a logo for class purposes and we had a few choices to pick from. So I made a logo for the London Olympic 2012. What happened was that after I had finished my favorite logo, we had midway critiques. So it gets to mine, and right before we're about to move onto the next person, one classmate expresses that he doesn't like it, because he's seen it before on the internet and sure enough he pulls up a logo on Google that looks like the one I just made. Exactly like mine. What? Seriously, what are the chances that something like that happens? Gotta admit it annoyed the *beep* outta me, and I don't want to be accused of cheating and copying. Who does? Whatever. That's in the past. Last weekend I found out that people had been gossiping about me. My classmates, my friends? I found out the hard way, which was really uncool. It really hurts.

I've always known for gossip to hurt, but this really really hurt me bad. It's sad, when people wont say things upright, especially that we were friends and that we're both grown ups too. Teachers tell kids not to gossip and talk behind other people's backs, yet I think the older we get, the more we tend to 'share news' and 'have concern' for others... Why can't we face the truth and admit that it's gossip? If we have 'concerns' for others, we shouldn't have to hide it, and it shouldn't hurt the person you're worried about.

Right now? I don't know. I don't know the full situation about what happened, who was there, who said what. I don't know anything. I don't know the real intent of whoever started talking about me. I don't know any details, and I don't want to know. But know that next time you say something, be more careful of what's coming out of your mouth. Someone might just get hurt.

xx

Random Utterings

My bike was stolen a bit ago...

Hmm... Reactions? So many. Which one's right? No particular one I suppose. I called the cops for the first time in my life. It was interesting. The officer was nice I suppose, but really, what can I do? Nothing. Locks my doors, make sure my windows are secure. Megan moved her bike upstairs onto our little balcony. We go silent at every little sound, just in case... Just in case...

Life in America is good. Things are expensive, mostly DIYs everywhere. I bought a new bookshelf today. I'll set it up tomorrow and rearrange my room a little. I got new bedsheets too - they were on discount. I went to Albertsons not long ago - again grabbing things I need that are on discount. I got myself a nice box of swis chocolate - discount ;) I love discounts. Oh yes =D

I was at the Fringe Festival this Saturday and last from 1 to 4.30 in the afternoon doing some volunteer work with Kids Fringe. Arts and Crafts tent mostly, hot weather, either no air, or too much of it. Florida's extremely dry at the moment so everyone's praying for rain. Fringe? Hoping for no rain so that all the tents will say up and safe until the Festival is over... Which is in a few days. I love observing people, and what I saw today made me sigh, haha. A little adopted girl named Amy, going through her terrible twos. Grumpy little girl was so cute and sweet, and wanted to sleep. Loved grabbing the crayons. I bet she loves to color. Another little girl, very spoiled, only wanted her way. "My glue!" Little boy, funny laughing kid, who didn't roar back when I roared at his Tiger Face Paint. Shy thing, but very well mannered and very sweet. The Fringe has so many personalities, it's fun. There was a Thai food stall there today too. Actually, there were two. I got Pad Thai from one of them - one plate for $6. Shocking. Oh well. They spoke Thai to me - it was exciting =) I miss home, but Florida is my home now.

xx

Distraction

I currently feel as though I've been totally distracted from life. I've just kinda been living, going to school, going home, doing what I need to do. Don't get me wrong - I love it here. I can be myself, independent, study something I love and just meet all these people and it's amazing. But I still feel as though I'm failing in life somehow. I guess I've just been so busy. I want to please everyone, and it's hard, but it's doable right? I feel like a huge part of me wants something more. More then what I have right now. Is that a lot to ask for? I don't think I should be asking for more, over all the things I have right now but there's something missing and I can't seem to get a hold of myself. Kind of torn apart, because there's a million and one things that I can do but I don't want to do any of them. Hmmm...

Livin'

Living in America so far...

Weird experience. That's all I can really say.
People like to think that living in one country is better than living in another... I don't like to think that way. We have terms like, third-world-countries, the 'undeveloped' countries... and first world, people who have a higher standard of living. Me, I refer to where I live, just World. It's just another country, the people are different, the culture is different, the food is different! There should be no better or worse. Why does it even matter anyway? Apparently I'm from a 'third world country' - so what am I doing in America? If I'm from such a poor poor country *sad face* then how on earth did I get the money and resources to fly all the way to a 'first world country'? Totally blows my mind away haha =P

Anyway, that was just random rant lalala. I haven't written much lately, and it's driving me insane but I'm having a bit of a writers block - mind you, blogging isn't the only thing I write, hance having that writers block isn't the most helpful thing, cos I have an essay due on Thursday and I still haven't finished it =.= But anyway, Spring break was last week so it's kinda sad that it's over. I went to an extra seminar thing at school today and it was about boosting creativity, which was really ironic, because I had a tune rolling through my head and I managed to put words to it and write it down, yet once I got home, I totally forgot what it was. Grrr...

Other than that, Full Sail has officially become a University so it's Full Sail University now!! Yay =D Haha. It's easier than having to ponder on whether Full Sail is called "Full Sail Real World Education" or just "Full Sail" or it could also be written as "Full Sail Inc." which really got me confused at what Full Sail really was... But now it's an officially accredited University =D Yay!! I'm one month into my classes, but each class only lasts for a month so my first two classes (I do two classes a month) will finish by the end of this week... and then I get a new schedule starting next week for the next four weeks!! That's if anyone understood that... I'm actually going to the Museum for my Art History class on Wednesday so that'll be fun =D The school pays for entrance so I guess we can take advantage of that. It'll be interesting =) My next two classes sound really interesting. Digital Storytelling and Design Art Theory. Crazy yeah? I'm looking forward to it.

So I checked out the student FS web and found that there was a group of Christians who met on Sunday evenings, and one of my classmates had gone to it the first week so this past Sunday evening, I went with him and met the bunch. They were super wack. I'm beginning to think that all Senior/college age Christians are wack haha =D It was fun. They were having Movie night so that's what we did, and then after that finished (at 11pm) I hung out with 3 of the guys from there at Stake and Shake. It was good food for not too expensive and a really good and long conversation. Talked about a whole bunch of Controversial Issues into the weee early hours of the morning (around 2.30 am) and then my classmate drove me home. Crazy, but really fun. Haven't really had a conversation like that with anyone ever! And although sometimes our views were different, we still all got along well and had a good time talking, even though those three guys were really loud =.= hahaha =P

Ha... *sigh*

That's it for today cos I still have that essay that I really should work on... even though I keep putting it of... Oh man...

Change and Brokenness

So I got to Florida yesterday morning - Saturday, 6 am. I was picked up by an old family friend, Auntie Rody - mom and I are staying at her house for the moment. Driving home was weird. I can't really grasp that I'm in Florida, and I still can't really believe that I'll be living here for the next two years of my life. Weird yeah? I've already arrived, and yet I still can't grasp the change that's happening in my life.

I'm not really jet lag - had a nap when I fell into the bed at 11am Florida time, 11pm Bangkok time... slept for two hours or so and got up and went out with mom and people. Shopping, didn't eat lunch... more shopping, dinner, home. Got a new phone number! =) Called Micah =) It's as if I was back in Bangkok, our normal night time long conversations on the phone - only now we're both in America. Weird... very weird...

I went to Calvary Assembly of God Church this morning. Went for the second service at 11.30 which is less formal than the first service. It was really cool. Went in and they had a band playing "Clean Hands", which I haven't heard for a while, and we sang "Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) and it was really really good. Pastor George talked about brokenness and the ten tribes of Israel, and perfect unity, and Change.

Change.

Why is this world so broken? Why are people so broken and distant. Why is spiritual wholeness so hard?

Pastor talked about the reunion of Israel and of Judah in Ezekiel 37 15:22 - the joining of two sticks, and joining of two broken pieces that were once whole. Brokenness. Why is it so hard to become one? He talked about Brokenness as "evils trademark on humanity". The inability of being one and whole. John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;" Satan, the thief that steals our perfect unity and disrupts our relationship with God. Then Pastor talked about real harmony in the church -

1 Corinthians 1:10

"I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought."

Perfectly United. How much more perfect can things get? How hard would it be, to get everyone in a family to all agree, in perfect unity? Not to mention a group of friends, or a whole church? God asks us for Perfect Unity, but look at all the brokenness in this world!

This is what Pastor George said: Spiritual Unity (with God), spiritual change is so hard, because is requires us to change as people. Change in all our ways. To be willing to change. To be willing to stop doing the things we like to do, or to do things we don't want to do, to eat things we don't want to eat, to go places we don't want to go. We have to step out of our comfort Zone and allow God to change us into the people he wants us to be.

How hard is that? How hard is it to totally let go of your life and let it be controlled by God? How hard is it, to put your own life, your everything, your relationships, work, your life into God's hands?

In Jeremiah 18, the Bible talks about a potter, making a jar, but the jar didn't turn out the way he wanted it to. So the potter squashed it and started again.

"O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel."

I think that when life seems to really not work, when life just isn't going the way you want it to go, when life just isn't fair, that's when God, the potter, is squashing us back into that lump of clay and reshaping us for His kingdom. Maybe people stray from God when life goes astray - but I think we're supposed to lean even more heavily on God while he remoulds us. When we fall, we should stand back up with God's help. If we sin, we should repent and God will forgive because God is a just and loving God. He has the power to reshape our lives, if we let him. Can we be willing to let God take our life in His hands?

Back to brokenness,
We talked about how the twelve tribes of Israel split into two separate groups of people - a decision made by one person that effected so many. In 1 Kings 12, the decision made by King Rehoboam, Son of King Solomon of Israel, reflected the unwillingness to change when the people of the tribe asked to be freed from Slavery and for Taxes to be reduced. But Rehoboam wanted all the money and the glory that his father had recieved during his reign. His unwillingness to allow change in the kingdom caused brokenness.

Brokenness.

I believe the unwillingness to change when God asks us to is the cause of Brokenness, the inability to be perfect in unity, with the Church and with God. I really don't like change. I don't like being uncomfortable and new, but change is needed for growth, for development. If nothing ever changed, then how can we become better?

"I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth."

Trust

I think that God has been trying to tell me something lately.

Recently I prayed a prayer to God which said this:

"Lord, search my heart and reveal to me what I need to pray about."

I just realized today that maybe God has been trying to say something to me for a while now. I got this verse from more than one person today (and it was not planned).

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."

I got this verse from someone when I graduated from High School half a year ago. I got it again from someone else during Christmas. And again, today from another 3 different friends. Isn't it funny, how God tries to get our attention, but it takes aages and aages before we realize that this is God speaking? I always felt that God never spoke to me. I've never spoken tongues, or dreamed any cool dreams, and I haven't seen visions. And yet, I have the same verse given to me, time and time again. How can this not be God?

Thanks God.

<3

Caged Bird

Feeling not so ready to fly.

I see a caged bird, in my eyes
Who's not so ready to fly;
But wanting to leave
For another adventure in a foreign land.
This bird, caged and chained for all it's life,
The door is now open, finally allowed to fly.
So why is it scared to fly after all this time?

I'm that caged bird, wanting to go;
Wanting to try something new...
But I'm a caged bird,
Who's not so ready to fly.