I'm so tired.
I've been in Florida for 3 months now, going onto my forth and I never imagined life to be so tiring, so busy and so full of everything unimaginable. I've never argued, loved, hated, the list goes on, so intensely as I do now. I haven't ever cried as much as I have here, nor been so busy, and at other times been so bored. Sometimes I'm absolutely hyper and at other times I'm on the edge of falling asleep... and on rare occasions, I have fallen asleep in class. This is like, me getting extreme bipolar moods, and even more insomnia. Gosh. Life of an international college student, but it's even worse than just a normal international college student, I'm an International Full Sail University student. Now that's intense.
I got on xanga the other night (random, right?) and went back to when I first started blogging on 2003, started reading all my old blogs. It's very entertaining. Didin't realize I was so shallow and so... I dunno, geeky back then. Haha, well I guess I've always been somewhat a geek. I wonder what I'll think of myself when I stumble back accross any old blogs of mine say, in 10 years from now. How different will life be? Where will I be? In America? In Asia? Single, married, working, or not... Taller, fatter, slimmer (I wish) or what? I have so many things I want to do but I can't picture any one single situation I might be in. There's blockage in my brain! The part that I used to use when I was 6, and I wanted to be a superstar, or when I was 8, and I wished I could be a jockey... At 10, imagining what I would be like when I turned 18. Would I be a popular senior? Would I be smarter? Would I have a boyfriend? I'd graduate, and be up on that stage and get that diploma, just like all those other BPS seniors had gotten theirs. My best friend would hug me, and we'd take pictures and hang out. My current boyfriend would be happy for me, and I'd have a picture with him in my graduating dress, whatever that might be. I'd go out with my friends clubbing for the first time, and I'd be allowed to go hang out with everyone. My dreams would all come true, my wishes, all the imagination. What do I have now?
I dare say dreaming can be quite useless. I didn't hang out with all my friends and go clubbing with them. My dress was nothing like I ever imagined it to be. I don't have a picture with my boyfriend in my dress either (not from BPS graduation anyway) and I'm not really that much smarter. I'm just average. I'm no superstar, like I wished when I was 6, and I can't race horses, I'm way too tall for that, and I don't like gambling. I'm not at a normal University, and living in a dorm like everyone else. I don't fit into any sorority or fraternity. I'm not playing any sports here, or in any music group. I'm far away from everything I ever knew, my family, my friends, my home country, the food, the places, the hobbies... I'm far from my boyfriend. But, life, I guess, is pretty good still. I'm in a place where imagination counts, and dreams come true on paper and on my computer screen. Not all dreams, but some of them. I'm somewhere, where people can wear their hearts on their sleaves, and where it's ok to be different. Cos everyone's different. We're all misfits in places where all other 'normal' people would of fitted in. We don't belong to normal colleges, to greek societies and to sport teams. We dye our hair and pierce our bodies in places other than our ears. We're not the ones in front of the camera or on stage, but rather behind the scenes. I often wonder, which is more important? If the world doesn't have people behind the scenes running everything, how can it function? Yet, if we don't have a band and a singer, how can the concert keep running?
Anyway, I'm still so tired...
I've been in Florida for 3 months now, going onto my forth and I never imagined life to be so tiring, so busy and so full of everything unimaginable. I've never argued, loved, hated, the list goes on, so intensely as I do now. I haven't ever cried as much as I have here, nor been so busy, and at other times been so bored. Sometimes I'm absolutely hyper and at other times I'm on the edge of falling asleep... and on rare occasions, I have fallen asleep in class. This is like, me getting extreme bipolar moods, and even more insomnia. Gosh. Life of an international college student, but it's even worse than just a normal international college student, I'm an International Full Sail University student. Now that's intense.
I got on xanga the other night (random, right?) and went back to when I first started blogging on 2003, started reading all my old blogs. It's very entertaining. Didin't realize I was so shallow and so... I dunno, geeky back then. Haha, well I guess I've always been somewhat a geek. I wonder what I'll think of myself when I stumble back accross any old blogs of mine say, in 10 years from now. How different will life be? Where will I be? In America? In Asia? Single, married, working, or not... Taller, fatter, slimmer (I wish) or what? I have so many things I want to do but I can't picture any one single situation I might be in. There's blockage in my brain! The part that I used to use when I was 6, and I wanted to be a superstar, or when I was 8, and I wished I could be a jockey... At 10, imagining what I would be like when I turned 18. Would I be a popular senior? Would I be smarter? Would I have a boyfriend? I'd graduate, and be up on that stage and get that diploma, just like all those other BPS seniors had gotten theirs. My best friend would hug me, and we'd take pictures and hang out. My current boyfriend would be happy for me, and I'd have a picture with him in my graduating dress, whatever that might be. I'd go out with my friends clubbing for the first time, and I'd be allowed to go hang out with everyone. My dreams would all come true, my wishes, all the imagination. What do I have now?
I dare say dreaming can be quite useless. I didn't hang out with all my friends and go clubbing with them. My dress was nothing like I ever imagined it to be. I don't have a picture with my boyfriend in my dress either (not from BPS graduation anyway) and I'm not really that much smarter. I'm just average. I'm no superstar, like I wished when I was 6, and I can't race horses, I'm way too tall for that, and I don't like gambling. I'm not at a normal University, and living in a dorm like everyone else. I don't fit into any sorority or fraternity. I'm not playing any sports here, or in any music group. I'm far away from everything I ever knew, my family, my friends, my home country, the food, the places, the hobbies... I'm far from my boyfriend. But, life, I guess, is pretty good still. I'm in a place where imagination counts, and dreams come true on paper and on my computer screen. Not all dreams, but some of them. I'm somewhere, where people can wear their hearts on their sleaves, and where it's ok to be different. Cos everyone's different. We're all misfits in places where all other 'normal' people would of fitted in. We don't belong to normal colleges, to greek societies and to sport teams. We dye our hair and pierce our bodies in places other than our ears. We're not the ones in front of the camera or on stage, but rather behind the scenes. I often wonder, which is more important? If the world doesn't have people behind the scenes running everything, how can it function? Yet, if we don't have a band and a singer, how can the concert keep running?
Anyway, I'm still so tired...
1 comment:
College sounds crazy
I miss you dawn
Hope you are not that tired this week haha
Post a Comment